


I Miss Him

by allofspace



Series: I Miss Him [1]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I don't know what this, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-07-25 12:45:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7533295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofspace/pseuds/allofspace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Season 6 Episode 1. I have nothing against Rachel but this is a tonne of angst and I tried to make it realistic, and it obviously ends with Mike/Harvey so.. yeah.<br/>Inspired by the line that killed me:<br/>“What are you really doing here?”</p><p>“I miss him.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 - Miss Him

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I have switched this from a series to a chaptered fic that I am going to try to keep working on and it will be based in a universe where mike is in prison his whole sentence since i have no idea what's actually going to happen in this dang show. Please look out for my "Season Six Fix(es)" series which will contain a bunch of episode tags throughout the season.

“What are you really doing here?”

“I miss him.”

And Rachel doesn’t know why it took her so long to see it, why she’s just seeing it now. The pain on Harvey’s face and in his voice tells her. Maybe it’s because she indirectly drove a wedge between Mike and Harvey; there’d been nothing but fighting between them recently. Rachel is pretty sure Harvey means he misses Mike now, and has missed him for a while. But she doesn’t want to think about that anymore. Mike is gone, and will be for a while, and maybe having someone who can understand what she’s feeling, someone who can completely empathize because he’s feeling the same way, will help. It does for a bit. They talk about Mike, about how he forced himself into their lives with not really much force at all, just the strength of his personality. They toast to trouble, and it feels good, like they’re on this even playing board of grief. It helps… until it doesn’t. Until Harvey pulls some strings to get himself into the prison to see Mike. He tells Rachel some bullshit excuse about only being able to get himself in under the pretense of a legal emergency, and there was no way Rachel would be able to go. They fight, and they’re both stubborn, but in the end Rachel is too tired. “Just tell him… I love him,” Rachel says softly, holding back tears she doesn’t want Harvey to see. Harvey looks uncomfortable and looks away from Rachel, but he agrees. 

Rachel is finally approved to visit in just less than a month. She visits Mike as soon as she can, and she almost regrets it. He has a black eye and some stitches in his eyebrow. She breaks down in tears when she sees him and Mike tells her it kills him not to be able to comfort her. He looks hollow and broken and she briefly wonders how her visit differs from Harvey’s. They probably both had stoic strength and then made jokes about their favourite prison movies. She couldn’t do the same, seeing her almost-husband behind a piece of glass. Leaving after two short hours was like losing a piece of herself again. Could she really do this for two years? Jessica, Harvey, and Louis tried to save the firm, and while they did save some clients, it wasn’t the same firm anymore. Gone was the Pearson Specter Litt that had so many names before. It was just the small group of them, they sold their office and moved into a smaller building, and not exactly in the city’s centre. They had loyal clients and were building the client base slowly. 

Rachel leaves when they get back on their feet and they can manage without her. Jessica tries, but not too hard, to convince her to stay. “I can’t… Harvey… it’s just that…” and she can’t finish, but she doesn’t have to. Jessica nods and looks apologetic but unsurprised. Jessica was of course, always extremely perceptive, and of course she’d probably known since the beginning of it, whenever that was, which was maybe even the very beginning. Jessica’s understanding solidifies that she's doing the right thing. 

Harvey Specter was completely in love with Mike Ross. Rachel knows this, but she didn’t know how much Mike knew or what he felt about the whole thing. She couldn’t be around Harvey anymore, but she had to know what Mike really wanted. 

“Do you love him?” Rachel asks on her next visit, holding back the tears and trying to remain calm. She did not want to make a scene. 

“What?” Mike asks, looking genuinely confused.

She doesn’t know how to talk about this, hasn’t said it out loud. I

“You know Harvey is in love with you, right?” Rachel asks, but it’s not really a question and more of a statement. 

Mike stares at her, in a shocked sort of state. “No… No he… Rachel, what are you—“ 

And Rachel laughs because it’s one of the reactions she had told herself to expect, but not the one she was hoping for. She was hoping for laughter and for the idea to seem ridiculous and she would feel stupid and laugh with him because she had just been paranoid and wrong and all the unsaid things between her and Harvey, and her and Jessica, she had misread them. But that’s not what happened, and it made the whole thing harder to swallow.

“I quit the firm,” she informs him, even though he still looks stunned. “I can’t be there anymore Mike, I can’t be here anymore. I’m leaving. I don’t know where yet.”

“Rachel… what are you saying? I don’t—“ he begins again, still not finding the words. 

“Mike, stop,” Rachel says, clenching her jaw, still fighting to keep her voice even and her cheeks dry. “I just need to know. I need to know if you love him back. I need to know if you would give him up for me. Or if…” Rachel needed to take a deep breath. “Or if you would give me up for him.”

When she looked at Mike, his eyes were welled up too. “Rachel, please.” His voice was broken and weak and again, it wasn’t what Rachel wanted to hear. Was one of the things she made herself expect, but what she’d hope would not happen. He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t tell her his choice because he didn’t want to hurt her, which means his choice would hurt her. 

“Goodbye, Mike,” she said, and no longer held back her tears. She let them well up and fall down her cheek. Mike’s reddened eyes did the same, and all he could say was “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I never wanted…” 

Rachel stood and turned… and left. She didn’t look back, she couldn’t unless she was to drop to the floor and start sobbing. Maybe one day she’d know this was for the best, but for now she felt like she could die. 

~*~*~*~*~

Two years later and Mike was finally getting out. He technically never made plans to be picked up once he was released, but he knew who would be there waiting for him when he walked out of that giant gate. The same man who had dropped him off two years previously. Except he didn’t _look_ like the same man. Harvey was wearing pastel blue shorts, a patterned button up short sleeve shirt, and flip-flops. He was tanned, and his hair was ungelled and longer than it ever used to be, looking a sun-kissed blond.

Mike couldn’t help but smile at the sight in front of him. He couldn’t imagine ever seeing Harvey like this: calm, happy, relaxed. He’d seen a glimpse maybe when they’d gotten high together, but never could he have pictured this. 

He kept his face serious as he looked around and said, “Excuse me, I’m looking for a Harvey Specter. Have you seen him by any chance?”

Harvey rolled his eyes. 

“Slicked back hair, probably wearing a suit because that’s all he owns. No? Alright, I’ll just wait then,” Mike continued. 

“Shut up,” Harvey finally said, and it was then Mike spotted the tiny convertible car Harvey was leaning against. 

“What. Is. This.” Mike gaped, moving toward the car. 

“Hey, don’t go getting your grubby hands all over her, just had her washed,” Harvey said pulling Mike’s wrist away from the tiny Italian car before he could touch it. And Mike looked down at the hand around his wrist, everything seemed to slow down and go silent around him. This had been the part he was most nervous about. He wasn’t worried about acclimating back into society, or what he would do with his life now, this new and weird territory is what he had been stressing about for weeks. He looked up to Harvey who still had a soft smile on his face, and it calmed Mike. Harvey was still holding Mike’s wrist though, and they both said nothing about it, as if they were both getting used to this new contact. 

It had been one and a half years since Rachel had walked away from Mike in the prison, one year since finally telling Harvey why she left, and one year since Harvey admitted everything was true. Mike’s world was flipped when Rachel walked out of his life and dropped that one particular bomb on him. He hadn’t known what to do with it. For six months he sat across the glass from Harvey and wondered what every glance meant and whether it could be true. He hadn’t known how to answer Rachel that day, when she’d asked him who he would choose. He’d never considered Harvey as part of the equation before, and never thought he’d have to choose between them. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been in love with Rachel, but when she’d said Harvey was in love with him, it was like his world and the stars aligned and everything made sense, while making no sense at all.

He was terribly sorry he had hurt Rachel, and that their relationship turned out the way it did, but he’d had lots of time to think about things and he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it. He’d wondered for 6 months if it could really be true, if it was really possible for Harvey to feel that way about him. And he’d decided over that time that yes, he was absolutely in love with Harvey. 

“I never told you why Rachel left,” Mike said one day. Harvey looked confused as the topic seemed out of the blue, but it was all Mike thought about. 

“No. You didn’t,” Harvey said apprehensively, cautious due to the nervousness coming off of Mike. 

“She asked me to choose,” Mike spoke again, finding it much harder to talk about than it had in the imaginary conversations had. 

“Choose between what?” Asked Harvey coolly. But Mike could see the rising nervousness in the man sitting across the glass. 

“You. And her. Between the both of you. And I couldn’t. She said…” And this was the part where Mike felt like his world would either go to hell or wonderful. “She said you were in love with me. And… And I couldn’t tell her I’d choose her over you.”

Silence came from Harvey’s end of the telephone. Harvey stood like a deer in headlights. It felt like infinity before Harvey cleared his throat and broke the eye contact between them. “I have to go,” Harvey said, and then hung up the phone and left. Mike would have called after him but he was too stunned. Mike stood up and a guard came to guide him out of the visitor space. 

And then Harvey came back in, accompanied by a guard and Harvey looked pleading and apologetic. The guard with Harvey radioed to the guard gripping Mike’s arm, saying it was okay to let Mike stay. Mike and Harvey faced each other at the glass and Harvey looked wrecked. Harvey sat and picked up the phone, waiting for Mike to follow.

When Mike picked up, still stunned and now not knowing what to expect, “I’m sorry,” was what Harvey said. Mike didn’t know what part Harvey was sorry for, because if it was ‘sorry that you left Rachel but she had no idea what she was saying’ Mike would lose it. “Sorry about that, I sort of freaked out,” Harvey explained. 

“Yeah. Just a bit,” Mike said carefully, not wanting to spook Harvey. 

“I’m… well you know I’m not great with feelings and all this shit,” Harvey said. “I… I guess Rachel figured it out, but I mean, I never told her. I thought… I thought I was hiding it better than that, Mike I’m sorry.”

“Harvey, don’t,” Mike said, because Harvey was blaming himself for Rachel leaving Mike and he would not have that. “If I could let Rachel go like that then… it wouldn’t have worked.” Mike was watching Harvey, trying to read what he was thinking. 

“So... what now?” Harvey asked after a minute of uncomfortable silence. 

“I just want to be clear here,” Mike said seriously. “You are like totally head over heels romcom style in love with me right? I mean pining away for me for years, writing poetry about me probably, totally in love, yeah?” Mike grinned. 

Harvey laughed finally. “Shut up,” he said. And then he added soberly, “Yes.” And the look in Harvey’s face stopped Mike’s breath for several seconds. “But if you think I’d ever write poetry about you, you must have gotten a concussion from one of those prison beatings,” Harvey smiled. 

They talked and joked for the rest of their visitation time like nothing at all had happened. But when a guard came to tell them their time was up, Mike looked back at Harvey. “Hey… just so you know. I, uh, I’m pretty sure I’m romcom style in love with you too.”

“Damn right you are,” Harvey grinned, and that was that. Mike felt lighter and more powerful than ever. He felt like his last year in prison would be the hardest year ever and at the same time be a breeze. 

So here they stood, finally breathing the same air, no glass separating them and they were frozen still but the first physical content they’ve had since their confessions. Dangerous territory. Mike now knew how much he loved Harvey, but having this revelation in prison had been both a blessing and a curse. How did they move forward? How did they go about this, he was pretty sure neither of them had ever been with a guy before, and fuck if that didn’t significantly complicate things. Harvey finally broke their frozen silence by tugging Mike’s arm and saying, “Come here,” in a voice Mike found impossible not to oblige. Harvey brought Mike to face him and moved his hands up to either side of Mike’s neck, and touched their foreheads together. “Hi,” Harvey said. Mike gave a small huffed laugh. Harvey was way too chicken shit for this. 

“Come here,” Mike mimicked Harvey. He reached up a hand to tilt Harvey’s chin up until their lips brushed and both of their breaths came uneven and they finally kissed. It felt like nothing Mike had ever felt, and simultaneously everything he’d ever wanted without even knowing it. Harvey’s lips were soft and his slightly stubbled face was a bit rough but it felt good. It made Mike feel alive, and they both deepened the kiss, hungry for the contact they’d never been allowed to have before. Mike isn’t sure for how long they kissed, but he’s ended up with his back against the car and Harvey’s body pressing into his front. When they finally stop, Mike opens his eyes and sees the prison still there, sitting behind Harvey. 

“Can we please get out of here?” Mike asks and Harvey just nods. Mike can feel it because Harvey’s face is nuzzled in Mike’s neck. He pushes Harvey back slightly, just so he can see Harvey’s face. Harvey’s lips are red and his hair is somehow messier than before and Mike maybe remembers loving the feeling of running his hand through it. He leans in to place a soft kiss on Harvey’s lips and then smiles. 

“Being out of prison is awesome,” Mike smirks. “Can I drive?” He asks as he turns around to look at the car in its entirety finally. 

“Yeah right,” Harvey scoffs. 

“What? Come on!”

“You’ve been in prison for two years and you think I’m letting my baby here be your experiment to see if you still know how to drive?”

“Come on, it’s like riding a bike,” Mike smiled.

“Yeah, you’d know all about that,” Harvey teased back. Mike got into the passenger side and took a deep breath. He had no idea what he was going to do tomorrow, but today felt like the beginning of the rest of his life, and he couldn’t imagine a better way to start it.


	2. Chapter 2 - Freedom Tastes So Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day after Mike is released.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this used to be a separate story in a "series" but I've now changed it to chapter 2 and this will be a continuous story.

That first day that Mike was out was surreal. He and Harvey went to Harvey’s favourite classy restaurant, then they went to their favourite bar, and then Mike dragged them to his favourite street meat cart and forced a flimsy hotdog upon Harvey, who surprisingly took it with very little debate. Mike’s freedom tasted sweet and he tried not to think any further than just the moment he was in and the man that he was with. His ex-boss, his best friend, his…. Everything. Mike deliberated on that point while he slowly chewed the rubbery hot dog. Harvey and Mike walked silently along the New York City sidewalk, occasionally brushing shoulders while they walked or bumping into each other like magnets after making way for a person rushing in the opposite direction cutting through them.

“Mike… You’re staring at that thing like it has the answers to life, the universe, and everything,” Harvey’s voice cut through Mike’s thoughts. He was maybe a little drunk because he couldn’t help but think about how Harvey’s voice _felt_. Like warm, cuddly blankets wrapping around him, cradling his neck, massaging his head. Mike missed alcohol, and he got a bit giddy at the thought of maybe getting high with Harvey in the near future. 

“Forty-two,” Mike replied happily. “The hot dog didn’t tell me that though,” Mike added, so that Harvey wouldn’t think Mike was actually communicating with a hot dog. Harvey laughed, light and easy. This new Harvey was all kinds of light and easy. From his casual clothes, to his sun-bleached hair, to this laugh, which Mike had heard before, but it used to be a rare commodity. Mike could get used to hearing that laugh more often. 

Harvey finally hailed a cab as they realized they didn’t really want to be walking around the city much later than 1AM and they weren’t all that close to anywhere they wanted to be. They sloppily piled into the backseat, Harvey’s arm draped over Mike’s shoulder comfortably. Harvey gave the cabby his address, and Mike thought it would be weird to see this new, light Harvey in the old Harvey’s apartment. All modern, and sleek, with sharp edges. It also made Mike think about his old apartment and everything that it represents, and all the painful memories it no doubt holds. 

“Harvey, where am I going to go?” Mike asked. Harvey looked over at him with a smile, thinking he would see Mike with a goofy smile. But it wasn’t a silly drunk question, Harvey realized when he saw Mike’s face, it was actually quite a sobering one. Harvey had been hoping to avoid the topic at least for the day. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Harvey said in a soothing voice as he used the arm around Mike’s shoulder to pull him in a little tighter toward his chest. “Went to your place to get a bag full of clothes that will last you as long as you want.”

“Oh,” was all Mike replied, because it was enough. Harvey had clearly thought more about his release than Mike had, and Mike was ridiculously glad for it. He hadn’t been thinking any further than walking out of those gates for at least a month. He’d kept having dreams of walking towards them and something going wrong. One night the gates shut right in his face, inches from freedom, and alarms sounded. Another night, his feet wouldn’t move, feeling as though they were cemented to the ground. But he’d done it, and he was here, pressed into Harvey’s warm body, and he could wait another night before thinking about his future. 

When Mike woke up, he was confused to say the least. He didn’t remember how he ended up in bed, let alone this specific bed, which was not the uncomfortable cell bed he’d grown accustomed to. He felt sort of sore as he turned over in the bed, snuggling into the plush mattress and puffy comforter. He cracked open an eye to try and take in his surroundings and was grateful that thick grey curtains dimmed most of the daylight that was threatening to break through. His head ached and he groaned. A few moments later, the door that had been open only a sliver opened a bit more, and a silhouette stood in the doorway. A tall, broad shouldered silhouette that suddenly made his brain piece together where he was. Harvey’s apartment, Harvey’s bedroom, Harvey’s bed, and yeah, Mike couldn’t really complain about that. 

Mike smiled and tried to sit up. “Ow,” he said instead. 

“Here,” Harvey said softly and came closer so Mike could finally really see him. Harvey was holding two mugs with steam rising up from them. “Coffee,” Harvey said, as if Mike couldn’t smell the delicious perfection from the other side of the room. 

“Coffee,” Mike agreed, and this time he sat up, disregarding the bowling ball that rattled in his head. 

“I guess two years sober really makes you a lightweight, huh?” Harvey asks, handing Mike the mug, and sitting on the bed at Mike’s feet. 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll fix that in no time,” Mike grinned after taking a sip of the hot liquid. He didn’t care that it was so hot enough to burn a little going down, it was better than any of the garbage he’d had to deal with the last two years. “Mmm,” Mike appraised.

And then Harvey leaned in and kissed him, soft and hesitant, but Mike kissed him back, just a small movement of his lips against Harvey’s. Harvey leaned back after a few seconds. “Mmm,” he agreed. 

“I don’t have to be worried that you took advantage of me or anything, right?” Mike started, and Harvey was already rolling his eyes. “I mean I wake up in this strange bed, mostly unclothed, with quite the hangover. What’s a guy supposed to think?”

“He’s supposed to think that he has a very charming and gentlemanly boyf—“ Harvey does an awkward stumble and pauses. “Person… looking out for him.”

Mike’s cheeks were burning and he felt like he was in grade school, being embarrassed about stupid terms of endearment and other trivial labels. As always, he was going to have to be the mature one in their relationship apparently. Some things never change, Mike thought to himself. 

“Harvey, are you asking me to go steady?” Mike asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do I at least get to wear your letterman jacket or something if I agree to this?”

Harvey huffed out a laugh, clearly relieved that Mike diffused that potentially awkward minefield. 

“You’re an idiot,” he replied, putting on his “cool” Harvey mask he always wore so well. “Get up or I’ll eat all the bacon and pancakes myself.” He got off the bed and made his way back to the kitchen. Mike took a second to think about how really real this was and it felt almost like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. 

“Bacon. Pancakes. All mine!” Harvey called from the kitchen. And okay, Mike would probably sell himself on the streets for bacon right about now, so maybe he should get up and he maybe he won’t have to. 

“Don’t you dare!” Mike tried to call back, his voice groggy. 

He padded out to the kitchen, and the smell of delicious breakfast hit him and he probably could have cried. But he was a bit distracted by Harvey’s walls, which had been repainted since the last time he was here (getting into a fist fight with Harvey), and that some of Mike’s own decorations were scattered on the walls. 

“When did you… How? Harvey, did you break into and loot my apartment?” Mike laughed. 

“I… was given a key,” Harvey said carefully. And Mike was a genius, but it didn’t take one to know what Harvey wasn’t saying, which was that Rachel had given it to him. Mike pushed the thought aside though, because he was here with Harvey, and it felt like home, and the smell of breakfast made his stomach rumble loudly. “Eat up,” Harvey said as he piled food onto Mike’s plate. And later they would fall in bed, full and giddy, and Harvey would taste like maple syrup and Mike wouldn’t be able to get enough of it.


End file.
